Middle Age RC Dilemma Grande

[simalarion 2139]

Sitting here and have to stare at a PC Screen 7-8 hours a day because that basically my job, i have 3 kids 1 off them i got early in life the last two i got going into my 40`s and a bit into it. They are all Girls and none off them is showing the interest in this Hobby as i hoped, i can get them to drive if i push on but building/painting is 0% interest.. So i am left with using the little time i have on my own trying to squeeze in this Hobby, often it result in stress and the work does not get as good as i would like to and i do not get time to tidy up most of the time to my wife`S "pleasure" (live in the "middle" of the city so do not have the space). I would really like to drive much much more but these day there is non stop Rain and right outside my door its very limited possibilities, just suited for small tests runs really if i did not buy a Crawler but that`s the one ting i did not get yet, though i did order a Rock Socker which is nice priced but i got cold feet for several reasons so i canceled the order (Money is not an issue though).

So again today im stuck in front of PC (home office) and so far its Quiet, but i can not go out to drive RC because you never know when someone need configuration help on their system and then its terrible to be in the middle of hobby stuff so i just dropped it. And Also its another Rainy day ....

What i have time for is order those delightful Hop-Ups bags with the blue candy that come at a ok price from PJ and installing them (they ofc always are perfect fit and often it goes fast to install them). As im happy with all other kits now i Ordered More Hop-Ups to the kit i built for my Girls C-Avante :), i already have the nice blue dampers 54670 for it but i noticed it really needed a Servo stay then i found Low servo guard 54644 & other blue bits... so a New PJ - order .. So this is what i do...

Never thought i would want to live in the little town i was born (not far from Oslo) where i lived next to my school, there you have short grass fields, fine gravel fields, tarmac fields & and great spots for Crawlers all over the place and often not a single person in sight. So this would be perfect for RC Cars, i also heard that one off my friends in my home town also has this as a hobby but i have not contacted him yet because of my Dilemma.

 oh well, family first for sure. I know this hobby will stick with me so when both children are old enough to do their own stuff (about 3 years from now) they could either join in on my hobby or i will take my own trips doing what i want!

[skom25 632]

I know your pain.

I lived 20 km from capital city. Small town with many gravel, forests and villages. I rode my bike a lot and I was in really good shape. I even participated in races few times.

Three years ago I moved to capital city. I sold my bikes and bought only one. Even if I have time, there is totally no pleasure in cycling in the middle of big city. I ride it to not sit whole day in home but it is far from fun I had in the past.

Same with RC. I spent a lot of time to find "good" places to run. Problem is that in place where I lived, I had huge parking 1 minute from home. Now I have to drive 10 minutes, to run on tiny piece of pavement.

It is still hard to accept, when you feel that you are not able to do things you want.

[Gebbly 547]

Hi @Simalarion, I'm not exactly sure which the dilemma is so lets all just have a chat

I too spend my working days staring at a screen but the upside of that is that unlike something like being an electrician or in construction I can spend some of that time on places like this forum and checking out the latest kits and hop-ups from online stores so thats something at least.

I live in outer London so there are very limited large spaces to run cars. But if you check out videos from people in the UK like Mark Bryan or our own @Misterp180 we can have a fair bit of fun in an empty car park, small back garden or local playground. I am lucky to also have several small village greens near me that I didnt know existed until going for daily walks during covid lockdown. Perhaps there are tucked away little areas local to you that you havent found?

Usually during weekdays I am pretty tired after work and so cant focus on building. This means I tend to only do modelling when I can find a spare hour or 2 at weekends. As a consequence something like building an RC car takes an awful lot longer for me. As an example I've seen people on youtube say they can build a TT02 in an hour or so. Well at the moment I am about 5 weeks in grabbing an hour here or there and I havent even got the arms on yet. But I like to look at it as drawing out the enjoyment of building the car. I'm in no hurry and as long as I am enjoying the build I dont mind if it takes months.

Because I live in a small house in town with only the dining table or home office computer desk available to build on and only get to build occasionally I have to setup and clear away every time I want some time with the hobby. I found years ago that I can have everything I need for the modelling stage I am at on a single large tray. This means if I am part way through building the shocks I put the other bits and bobs in a box and put everything needed for shock building on the tray. Then when I have finished for the day I just move the tray somewhere out of the way and when I want to carry on I bring the tray down and I am ready to go. If I am ready to paint I put all the tools/oil/grease away and put the brushes, paints etc on the tray and I'm good to go.

I dont have children so couldnt comment on that but I think generally if someone isnt into a hobby there is no point trying to push them into it as they wont enjoy it. There will be other common interests to share.

I would imagine living in Norway there are times of the year when you get great snow  (we mostly just get rain and slush in the winter here in England) If it were me I would be very tempted to research building some sort of tracked vehicle that I could take out of town on a weekend to blast through the snow or if the snow was tighter packed try out something with bigger wheels like a konghead 

Sometimes finding a new aspect of a hobby re-awakens our interest. Maybe a trip to visit your friend and drive cars together would be a fun new way to look at your hobby. It certainly sounds like it could be fun.

[Kalamity 31]

Hi there,

I live in the center of a big city, Madrid, Im in my 40s and I also have family, work, lots of things to do, but for the past years RC has been my main hobby, it covers most of the collecting, tinkering and (for me) social aspects of a hobby, I can do it alone, but I also get to meet people who share my interest, and Im participating in a local rally championship (whenever I can make it to the races, because even the races being once a month I miss a lot of them) 

Have you tried to look for people that RC around your place? I asked around in local hobby shops to learn if there was a "scene¨, you know, like a RC community, I then went to meet them, got into a group chat and that was that... soon I was meeting with them for events and training afternoons, some of them I call friends now.

Before meeting this group of people (some of them are around this forum) I was taking my cars to local parks whenever I had 30 minutes to spend, I would go to parks, and parking lots that were close to my house (I live in the city center so finding a nice spot usually meant a 10-20 minute drive) Im also looking for a nice outdoor but covered place (like a sports court with a roof of some sort, so even if its cold it is protected from rain). I still do it now whenever I want to drive my cars a bit (my test runs are limited to my small apartment so not much testing being done) but I still manage to drive every week. One thing I do is I carry a car with a battery and the transmiter, along with some plastic cones in my car trunk at all times and whenever Im driving around and have some free time I try to squeeze some run time in any park or parking spot I find...

I am not sure where you are taking us with this dilemma, but I think it is an interesting conversation to have, because it also touches the social aspect of running your cars with other people and how hard it can be to make friends/know people when you grow older....

[simalarion 2139]

Much off the same issues there Gebbly but throw in children that turns out hardly wanting anything to do with the hobby (as i first hoped for) and you have the Dilemma part right there. But i decided to not give up on the hobby but squeeze in time where i can and i must also concentrate on not starting to big project that i can not finish
 

But as i also wrote children first, hopefully they show some interest when given some more time if not i will have time when the youngest are old enough to do their own stuff (last year in kindergarden for the youngest this year)

[JimBear 289]

14 minutes ago, Gebbly said:

Sometimes finding a new aspect of a hobby re-awakens our interest.

@simalarion - within the triangle of money, time and space it can be hard to find the spot. But perhaps going smaller in scale, like doing indoors crawling or mini-z racing? Or set up something really complicated like ... uhm ... building something from scratch? Or paint and sticker a Buggyra Fat Fox?

Or just leave things for a while and something will come to you.

[simalarion 2139]

9 minutes ago, Kalamity said:

Have you tried to look for people that RC around your place? I asked around in local hobby shops to learn if there was a "scene¨, you know, like a RC community, I then went to meet them, got into a group chat and that was that... soon I was meeting with them for events and training afternoons, some of them I call friends now.

No but as I mentioned i plan to take contact with my childhood friend in my home city, my brother who still lives there told me he was really into this hobby, so i start there. Im sure there i a community in Oslo but i feel i need more time at my hand to take that step.

Edit: Also not sure if Tamiya is something you should bring, the community would also need to be very casual and not competitive.. but this i will find out when i take that step

[Mad Ax 8351]

Perhaps there's an alternative spin to put on this.  When my wife and I decided to have children, I was terrified that I'd lose the chance to go racing or do all the other things I enjoy.  My wife also has hobbies - caving, woodworking, general crafting - and these are also solitary pursuits that can't be done with children.  We both grew up with parents who existed only to serve us, my parents never had hobbies, they gave them all up when I was born and threw themselves into me.  My wife said her mother was the same, she lost herself in parenthood and once we had left home, they had to rediscover who they were.  We both also watched all our friends get married and have children and close themselves into their own world and lose all contact with most people they knew.

So we said no, that wouldn't be us, we would find a way.  So, we did.

Now, I'm not saying this works for everyone, and it definitely needs buy-in from all parties, but we've seen how much better it is for us this way, and we encourage everyone to give it a try, especially if there's a sense that family life isn't giving you the opportunity to do the things you want to do, and you're losing touch with who you are.  A lot of our friends just don't understand this, they cling to the belief that having children means the whole family needs to be fused at the hip 100% of the time and never do anything for themselves again, unless it be that short time when they're able to get out for a drink, complain bitterly about how life sucks, then be made to feel guilty for going out.

To begin with, we would each get 1 weekend per month to do our own thing.  So, maybe 1st weekend of the month, I'm free to do whatever I want, from the moment I finish work on Friday evening, to the moment I start again Monday morning.  That means I can go away camping, go away racing, or just spend the weekend doing my own thing around the house while my wife takes our daughter out or entertains her at home.  Then, another weekend, we would swap, I'd take my daughter away somewhere and my wife could go on a caving weekend or spend the weekend making furniture or doing paintings.

During lockdown 1.0, when we were all stuck together 100% of the time and we weren't short of family time, we changed it around.  Then, I would have every Sunday as My Personal Day, to do whatever I want, and my wife would have Saturday as her personal day.  After that, we realised that "family time" is often just a catch-all label for being stuck at home getting frustrated with each other, so once we got out freedoms back, we cut down on family time - now when we spend time together as a proper family, we really appreciate and enjoy it, instead of it being the "default setting" and getting dull.

So for me, a typical week looks like this:

2x weeknights = Date Night.  We share the household chores and childcare, then spend time together watching TV or just talking.

1x weeknight = My Night.  I don't have to do anything (dinner will generally be whatever I cooked the previous day, reheated).  My wife handles the chores and the childcare.  I can go out or work on cars or do whatever I want.

1x weeknight = Her Night.  I cook the dinner for all 3 of us, handle the chores and the childcare.  My wife can go out if she wants, or she can do whatever she wants at home.

1x weeknight = Swap Night.  We share the household chores, then one of us does the childcare and the other can do whatever they want.  Who gets the swap night changes every week so nobody is left out.

1x weekend day = My Day.  I get a whole entire day to do what I want.  My wife looks after our daughter or takes her out somewhere.

1x weekend day = Her Day.  I look after my daughter for the whole day, we spend quality time together and generally really enjoy it.

Of course it isn't fixed in stone - some weekends I go away from Friday night and don't get back until late Sunday or Monday morning, and some weekends my wife does the same.  We always discuss it before booking so we know who is responsible for what and make sure we're both totally OK with it.  I've had more weekends away this year than my wife has, but my wife's work contract has only been 4 days per week so she gets an extra day to herself anyway, so it's all still fair.

And some weekends we book in to do family stuff, because it's easy to let that slip and never spend proper time together.

When I look back now at the days when it was all 3 of us sitting at home all weekend with nothing to do, I wonder how I managed.  The dilemma of offering to clean the kitchen vs offering to play with a toddler and watch infant TV seems like a distant memory.

You could consider a system like this.  Even if you only got 1 day off per month that's a day when you could go racing, or take your cars out to the countryside, or whatever.  In repayment, you could have 1 day per month where just you and your daughters spend quality time together, so your partner can go do something she enjoys.

If you had just one evening per week, that's one evening when you could join an indoor race club, so you could race even when it's wet.  Then you could have one evening per week when you spend time with your daughters and take care of the chores so your partner can do whatever she wants.

[Kalamity 31]

13 minutes ago, simalarion said:

No but as I mentioned i plan to take contact with my childhood friend in my home city, my brother who still lives there told me he was really into this hobby, so i start there. Im sure there i a community in Oslo but i feel i need more time at my hand to take that step.

Edit: Also not sure if Tamiya is something you should bring, the community would also need to be very casual and not competitive.. but this i will find out when i take that step

Its great to share the hobby with friends, but none of my friends had any interest in the hobby (I got into RC because my father loved building and flying planes, and I got more into the car side, while we both enjoyed the RC sailing) so thats why I looked into finding some hobbyist around my city. It does not necessarily need to be about competition, although there are tamiya cups at local clubs, and the rally cup I participate in is also a competition (M chassis cars only tamiya and 4wd any brand within specs), although a very relaxed one, with very good vibes, people sharing and helping, lots of fun and very friendly people. having other people to share the hobby lets you talk shop, share experiences (much like we do here) but also spend some batteries with someone else, share some insights on car settings, equipment and whatnot... and then go home. 

[simalarion 2139]

5 minutes ago, Kalamity said:

but also spend some batteries with someone else

I loved that, RC poetry right there!

[Gebbly 547]

13 minutes ago, Kalamity said:

It does not necessarily need to be about competition,

I think thats quite important to recognise too. Some clubs are just about getting together with people who have the same hobby. Some of the most fun races I have watched have been things like a line up of Wild Willys. There are also clubs that are more general and perhaps modellers of all sorts or all RC types. For example I think it might be @alvinlwh ? who takes his daughter along to a club and they do things like show and tell. It doesnt have to be all about racing.

[simalarion 2139]

@Mad Ax - not only a master in RC car modding but also give excellent therapist couple advice free off charge (i hope). Thank you i will bring this up with wife this weekend. We have 2 small girls on the crazy side so right now I believe we can not do the whole weekend, that would be the end for one off us (my oldest daughter is 21 from earlier relationship), but 1 Saturday or Sunday in a month to start with should work!

[simalarion 2139]

9 minutes ago, Gebbly said:

who takes his daughter along to a club and they do things like show and tell. It doesnt have to be all about racing.

That was my original plan to do but thats a big No, the 8 years old enjoy football so after work today i need to take here to a match on the other side off the city. She did not even glanced at my latest M-08R project so it does not look good (built here a C-Avante) hehe

[alvinlwh 5268]

Just now, Gebbly said:

For example I think it might be @alvinlwh ? who takes his daughter along to a club and they do things like show and tell. It doesnt have to be all about racing.

Yes, that's me. My girl loves to talk and will chew the ears off anyone who will listen. Bringing her to the club* is to let her do what she enjoy, on a subject that I enjoy. Also, helps to build up her public speaking confidence. Thing is, she likes model making more than my boy, he just cannot settle down enough to build one while the girl had started at an age younger than he is now. 

Now, racing. I live in a tiny town with very few RCers. There is a fellow member here and that's all I know about. Even so, childcare commitments meant we had never driven together. Nevermind racing, there is no one to race against.  RC here is a very solidarity experience, so unless I get my kids into it, it will be just me on a windly field.

* The club is mainly static, die cast, railway and scratch build boats. I bring in RC so to keep things fresh even though I am more of a static modeller myself.

[Mrowka 474]

My wife is "matka polka" (those who speak Polish know the type). Like a hyperprotective variant on the Tiger Mother. Anything not spent on babies, infants, children or motherhood is robbery. Baby health, baby food, baby entertainment, baby nutrition, baby education, baby protection. You may sense a pattern.

So I have buggies because my little man can drive and work on them. Helicopters are a bit much for an early elementary school kid.

My wife recently broke her leg and needed surgery. So for the time being I am a single parent and amateur nurse as well as being the only person who works in the family.

[JimBear 289]

2 hours ago, simalarion said:

... but 1 Saturday or Sunday in a month to start with should work!

I think even a few set hours (from my own experience) can do wonders for the (mental) health. A space to have things (of whatever kind) set up and ready makes things much easier too. If that isn't possible, get a "toolbox" and one of these "Workmate" portable bench thingys. I spend most of my time in my "kitchen table empire" when the others are off for work and school.

[Mad Ax 8351]

1 hour ago, Mrowka said:

My wife recently broke her leg and needed surgery. So for the time being I am a single parent and amateur nurse as well as being the only person who works in the family.

You have my sympathies.  My wife was in hospital for a while in 2021, having to juggle childcare, work and hospital visits made for a very busy life, but at least we knew it would improve.

For various times in 2020 and 2021 she was bedridden with anxiety, having to do all the parental duties at short notice plus also providing mental health first aid and trying to meet work commitments was stressful.

Stay strong, I hope the injury heals fast and well.

[Willy iine 17882]

@simalarion  If you waterproof (resistant because you probably don't want to submerge it) your car there is no reason not to drive in the rain.  If you have a SUV or a wagon there is plenty of gate as roof to cover you while you're driving or find shelter elsewhere?   Maybe you're too tall.  

Then maybe have a second RC car you'd like to mod for shelf or casual driving on a nice day when everything just lines up for you.

Mini-Z  sounds perfect for you btw.   jk.  

I got two older boys that absolutely do not care about RC or 1:1 cars or anything of interest of mine..  too bad I have a decent sized house with a 4 car garage (over 900 sq ft) which could easily be converted to a super nice 2 floor shop but no.  Kids showed no interest, I did not want to modify the garage if kids aren't going to stick around to work on their cars after I retire.. like I wanted one of my kids to take over the house after me so that they could keep the tradition going.   So, I abandoned the project and just made the garage look nice.    lol  Same with my music room.. it's a nice sessions studio space and my kids have zero interest.  My life is so sad man.   We definitely can't have everything we want.. at this point, I don't care any more.  I just enjoy what I can.

[Kpowell911 1208]

Im not sure I qualify for middle age (yet) Im 36, but I thought Id offer my perspective. You may find this a ramble, so I totally understand if people stop reading half way through.

RC has being the one constant in my life. Ever since my parents skrimped together the £80 to buy me a used M-01 Mini Cooper in the 90’s. There have been periods, usually due to financial issues where Ive been ‘RC less’, but for better or worse, Ive always ended up back in the hobby, and I cant see that ever changing. I recently sold up in 2017ish, when redundancy, the starting of a new businsss in a completely different trade and divorce hit me. December 2021, with a new girlfriend, I was financially comfortable enough to get back into the hobby. Luck has been on my side, and I now have a collection of 40+ RCs, by far my best ever collection. Even more importantly, my girlfriend has a massive interest in RC, and owns 5 models herself. She understands my hobby, and she justifies the prices. Its perfect. She has even encouraged her friends to get into the hobby, so now our immediate circle is very RC focussed. I could text some people right now and go out for a bash/crawl/drive. Ive recently built a NIB Egress Black, I own some of the best bashers and crawlers, and some at least to me holy grail 90’s Tamiya Tourers, I have an Avante and BBX on order.

 

However, this is where it gets ‘weird’. As long as I own these, and can talk about them DAILY on forums/reddit/social media, and watch youtube videos, im not actually bothered about using them. Now for the Tamiya shelfers, thats ok,  but I have ‘pretty much’ the complete Traxxas electic catalogue. An XRT, X Maxx, Sledge, etc etc. Theyre meant to be used. But, I’m just not that interested in using anything right now. Worse though, If i was to take them out, I think id be happier doing it alone. Its always been a me thing, strange?

Now, January 2024, we’re expecting our first child, a daughter. I dont THINK ill need to sell any, maybe for space reasons more than financial, but will I regret not actually using them much? For now at least its not a time constraint, and ive never been more into the hobby, I just seldom want to USE them?

[simalarion 2139]

25 minutes ago, Kpowell911 said:

Now, January 2024, we’re expecting our first child, a daughter.

ConGrat!, then you will for the first time very soon feel that your main concerns in life move from yourself to you daughter and her well-being, its a strange feeling in the start i remember clearly, my first daughter is 21 now (ohmy).

As for the hobby it sounds like you dont need to change your approach to it dramatically:). I get that you prefer to drive alone, i love to go right outside and quietly sit and drive and watch them go, on the other side that is the only thing i have ever done 

fyi-no your not middle aged at all that starts when you hit 45, your hardly aged 

[Mrowka 474]

7 hours ago, Mad Ax said:

You have my sympathies.  My wife was in hospital for a while in 2021, having to juggle childcare, work and hospital visits made for a very busy life, but at least we knew it would improve.

For various times in 2020 and 2021 she was bedridden with anxiety, having to do all the parental duties at short notice plus also providing mental health first aid and trying to meet work commitments was stressful.

Stay strong, I hope the injury heals fast and well.

I hope so, too, for her sake..

And thank you for the kind wishes.

[alvinlwh 5268]

4 hours ago, Kpowell911 said:

Now, January 2024, we’re expecting our first child

Having kids is absolutely no reason to give up my hobbies, well, for me at least. Because I am normally a late sleeper, I will take the "night shift" where my wife will go to sleep at 8 or 9pm and I will watch over the baby right up to 2am after their night feed (bottle). So that is a few normally quiet hours for me where I am free to do my hobbies. Now they are 7 and 4, it is easier. Today, my wife is working evening shift on her second job so after dinner and bedtime at around 8pm, I got onto my build. My latest post in my HS2 build was done between them going to sleep and wife coming home at 10pm.

As for space... I am building a new shed to make space.

[Kpowell911 1208]

12 hours ago, alvinlwh said:

Having kids is absolutely no reason to give up my hobbies, well, for me at least. Because I am normally a late sleeper, I will take the "night shift" where my wife will go to sleep at 8 or 9pm and I will watch over the baby right up to 2am after their night feed (bottle). So that is a few normally quiet hours for me where I am free to do my hobbies. Now they are 7 and 4, it is easier. Today, my wife is working evening shift on her second job so after dinner and bedtime at around 8pm, I got onto my build. My latest post in my HS2 build was done between them going to sleep and wife coming home at 10pm.

As for space... I am building a new shed to make space.

I have an almost triple sized garage not being used, unfortunately living where I do I wouldnt trust anything of value in there. If I built that shed youre building, they'd probably steal the shed as well as the contents 😩😂

[alvinlwh 5268]

6 minutes ago, Kpowell911 said:

I have an almost triple sized garage not being used, unfortunately living where I do I wouldnt trust anything of value in there. If I built that shed youre building, they'd probably steal the shed as well as the contents 😩😂

I don't know to 🤣 or 😢 at that!

[Badcrumble 3925]

Nice work @alvinlwh, I've just had my RC garage building works put back to Spring 2024 . 

@simalarion maybe take a step back for a bit?

I also love the dopamine hit of the parcel delivery and now have a garage full of parts for kits I have no time to build. I then looked at the pile of stuff and felt overwhelmed. 

I've seen it written here before that the hobby can ebb and flow - there's no need to let be defined by one aspect, be it building or running, runners or shelfers, vanilla or hopped-up, whatever it may be.