The TRUTH about Australia - read before you visit!

[Incredible_Serious]

The questions below about Australia are, apparently, from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour (as do all good website managers).

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching

them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad

tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a

list of them in Brisbane, Caims, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?

(USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.

Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does

not.... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in

Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here

and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boy's Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering

Ger-man-y, which is..... oh for get it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir

plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo

races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year

round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense

rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All

Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget

its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)

A: No. WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is a fountain of youth. Can you

tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female populations is smaller than the male population ( Sakis )

A: Yes, gay nightclubs

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

[Floyd]

ROFL [] Though , the realy realy sad thing is those are probobly common question that guy has to deal with on a daily bassis .....

[BiggusDitchus]

LOL, gotta love the answers.

[TWINSET]

Drop Bears sound cool []

Excellent post

[Matt2000]

lol like the answers. are those real questions?

[ukclaire]

Koalas are called drop bears cos they do fall out of trees after getting high on the eucalyptus leaves.

The leaves have the same effect on koalas that smoking dope has on humans. Thats why they looked stoned...

Claire

Going to live there next year.

[nigeninja]

[][][][],that's funny,bet they won't be laughing when we take the ashes back[][][][]

[Incredible_Serious]

Dream on nigeninja... ;-)

Where you going to be residing ukclaire? Be time to change your user name methinks...

Alex

[WillyChang]

quote:Originally posted by Incredible_Serious

Where you going to be residing ukclaire? Be time to change your user name methinks...

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id="quote">id="quote">

no way - once a pommie, always a pommie [|)]

[ukclaire]

Heading into Sydney first, then try Brisbane and Melbourne. Then see who is daft good enough to sponsor me so I can stay there.

Whats the job market like..? I am heading out there April next year.

The only other option is to pay someone to marry me []

I will be keeping my uKClaire name though. []

Claire

[minijosh]

I know for a fact that some of these are true. Except for the rain one. It rained warm water when I was in Sydney. It was awesome.

[Incredible_Serious]

Reckon someone might have been peeing on you Josh... ;-)

[tamartin]

Ahh, I see, in Australia there are no water closets!!

So pls pee out of the window!!!

So they do not need any rain.

[nigeninja]

incredible-serious, in my dreams [][] are you sure your watching the same game as me [][][][][][]

[fatboyslim]

quote:Originally posted by nigeninja

incredible-serious, in my dreams [][] are you sure your watching the same game as me [][][][][][]

---

id="quote">id="quote">

Yeah haven't the ozzies just started a follow on!![][]

[Renco5012]

Lol! Brilliant Alex, you made my day []

Glad there wasn't any questions from any kiwis []

[rroodd]

Hey Alex, thought you would've come up north here to sunny ol' Queensland for the winter..(we actually missed out on winter this year,...again..) I had a six-pack sitting on the back verandah for ya too....!![]

Well, if anyone wants to see 'answer' any of these tourist questions for themselves here in Oz, look me up. I have a shed out the back you can stay in...although my buggies take first priority....so yeah, sorry..., you'd be sleeping on the lawn.....

Rod.[]

[Incredible_Serious]

Yeah, sorry Rod, over winter I wanted to go somewhere WARM, so I went for a week in Darwin instead..... shame about that six-pack, although if it had been XXXX, I was better off ;-)

Alex

[El Mexican]

LOL! Great sense of humor!