You, me and rc (cars)

[Dangerseeker]

As I went through the different topics I noticed some things between men, women and the RC hobby such as:

 

.) most members are male

.) the RC hobby is not always supported by the wife

.) sometimes "the wife does not have to know about ..."

.) and some more

 

In order to shed some light on the ménage à troi - husband/wife/hobby = you, me and RC, I developed a doodle poll. Please participate and be as honest as possible. There are 15 questions to answer; the questions are simple yes/no questions. To rule out any bias this will be a hidden poll. The participants and the result will not be shown on the doodle poll page. I will evaluate and analyze the data and publish the results here... 

doodle link:

http://doodle.com/poll/vx4mha5kker8fqhw

 

Please participate in big numbers, the more (honest) entries, the more meaningful  the results!!

 

Thank you very much!! 

 

 

[Nitomor]

Done!

[Pablo68]

First rule of RC, don't get married. Just like me, I didn't.

Now all I need is some money/a job.

[XV Pilot]

I've never had this issue. My wife has always supported the hobby, and has her own growing fleet of RCs. It is something we do as a couple.

[Nitomor]

Me neither, guess we're the lucky ones!

[Mad Ax]

Interesting post/poll, and something I've been thinking about recently too.  In fact I wonder if TC has a lot to answer for in this respect.

I generally consider myself to be an honest person, but it's become obvious over the last couple of years that I do hide things from her, and I hate being like that.  I hinted to a friend that I'd lied to her about how much my tractor truck cost, and he said "that's a very dangerous game you're playing."  And he's right.  I told myself there and then, no more outright lies.  If she asks, I tell her the truth.  If I'm not comfortable with the truth, I don't spend the money.  And I don't feel any better for it.  In fact I feel really bad about myself for telling lies, or for hiding the truth.

My wife is actually very honest with me, share shares things with me that I wouldn't mind if she kept to herself.  She will say again and again how she needs to save money and doesn't want to spend, then come running to me to show me her new shoes / jacket / dress.  I guess the difference is I never roll my eyes or tell her she shouldn't have bought that.  If I show her a new car or new bits, she doesn't really get the excitement and she always points out that I'm not supposed to be spending money.  It takes the joy out of buying anything, and that's why I don't show my new purchases to her straight away.

A lot of people here say the same thing - "another one to hide in the loft", "another one under the desk at work", "if she asks I'll tell her I've had it ages" - seeing other people do it (even if they're not being entirely truthful with TC) somehow makes it morally OK.  There's a strength to knowing I'm not the only one to be dishonest.

But perhaps I've got only myself to blame.  I tell her I'm frustrated with my fleet, or my display, or the lack of time I have, and that I'll get rid of some or adjust my collection to have more focus.  Then she sees a new kit, and doesn't understand how I've justified it when just two weeks ago I told her I had too many cars.  It's not that she tries to control my money or what I spend on, or wants me to stop playing with RC cars: it's that she wants me to be happy, and wasting money doesn't make me happy.  Having a million cars doesn't make me happy, having the best hopups doesn't make me happy.  What makes me happy is (among other things) keeping busy playing with, building and maintaining my cars.  Right now I don't have a lot of time for that, and I think times like that are when I got a bit silly stock-piling cars so I've got plenty of joy in the bank for later.

But joy in the bank can lose interest as well as earn it.  A car I was desperate for 18 months ago, and is still in the box in the garage, no longer has such a pull to open it and build it as it did back then.  In terms of joy, it has depreciated.  But an NIB that landed on my desk two days ago fills me with excitement.  Will I still be so excited about it when I have time to build it two months time?   I don't know.  I'm starting to doubt it.

Addictions can come in many forms, and one of the clear signs of addiction is irrational behaviour.  Deliberately lying to your wife sounds like irrational behaviour to me, and it's for that reason that I'm taking a good long look at myself, and not really liking much what I see.

 

If this sounds very negative for a Friday morning then forgive me, but it's not.  I see this as a positive realisation and a positive direction for me, because from here, I can only improve, and hopefully our relationship, which is already good, can improve, purely because I'll be respecting every part of it, including the part that wants to know what I'm spending my time and money on.

[moffman]

Your bang on with being honest with your other half I'm exactly the same if you start to hide what you buy it kinda deflates the excitement of getting it in the first place, my wife shows very little to no interest in my RC hobby but I never hide stuff from her I even have stuff delivered to her work address because she can always be their to sign for it! Like wise with her she never hides stuff she buy from me (and like you things which I wish she wouldn't share) and that's been for the 30 years we have been married,  ive got work colleagues that give it the big one about how if the other half don't know what's the harm etc and over the years I've heard some eye opening stuff!  and I can't help thinking if that's what you do to the person you supposedly "love" what do you say/do to people who you just know!

[IBIFTKH]

Interesting topic. I'm divorced so it doesn't apply to me any more. But I can honestly say that my RC hobby wasn't a factor. We used to set aside 'pocket money' every month, basically a bit of cash for each of us to spend on whatever we wanted, no questions asked and no recriminations. If either of us wanted something more expensive we'd discuss it. Most purchases were agreed, unless times were really bad.

Something else that worked for us was the '2-week rule'. If one of us spotted something that wasn't a planned purchase, the rule was 'If you still want it in 2 weeks time, you can have it.' It helped cut out a lot of impulse buys that we would probably have regretted later.  

[Percymon]

23 minutes ago, IBIFTKH said:

Something else that worked for us was the '2-week rule'. If one of us spotted something that wasn't a planned purchase, the rule was 'If you still want it in 2 weeks time, you can have it.' It helped cut out a lot of impulse buys that we would probably have regretted later.  

Thats not a bad concept - pity for me that ebay auctions don't run for 15 days !

[Saito2]

I'm very fortunate my wife is ok with my hobby/madness. Before our daughter came along, she even went bashing with me. As long I keep it in my hobby room (more or less) she's happy. We do playfully go back and forth on the "toys" issue. I say they're models and she says toys. Of course that brings up the joke that they're toys for adults or "adult toys". I always bring out the first page of the RC Guidebook the says "Toys they're not". My wife allows me my collection because it keeps my 1:1 cars in check. I used to have full size cars in the double digits but have brought it down to 5 and kept it there. She even went along on an 1.5 hour drive to get a used Bullhead last week.

[Nitomor]

Good on you Mad Ax for being so honest with yourself and self critical, acknowledging it is the first step.

Take it from Han Solo, "Women always find out the truth, always!" Lol.

As part of your coming clean, my wife had always been content that it keeps me happy at home and not down the pub drinking or spending it on cigarettes (unless you do both of those too!) also it's not really like the money is totally wasted, you could easily liquidate any of it at say 50-60% loss if needs must rather than it being frittered away on nothing.

Like Saito, I was heavily into 1:1 which I gave up without hesitation when the kids came along putting the funds straight into our home, 1:10 is a tenth of the cost too so she doesn't begrudge me it. Occasionally (or more frequently that I care to admit) the conservatory which I've pretty much taken over, gets out of hand and that's the only grief I ever really get, she has 3 RCs herself and we regularly go out bashing with our 2 boys as a family and sometimes with their friends.

It's far better and more enjoyable to share the hobby with someone you love and get their opinions on things, I'm regularly showing my wife ebay items and the like, she's very much a part of my decision making process and she regularly helps to organise my areas coming back with storage boxes or work mats and things.

 

 

[NobbySideways]

The one thing that has entertained me most since joining this forum has been the birthdays list at the bottom of the page. It would appear we lust after tamiya in our youth, and begin to afford them in our forties....

 

[Mad Ax]

3 hours ago, IBIFTKH said:

Something else that worked for us was the '2-week rule'. If one of us spotted something that wasn't a planned purchase, the rule was 'If you still want it in 2 weeks time, you can have it.'

That's an interesting rule and one I used to use on my wife all the time when she was trying to save and spotted something that she wanted.

"But I won't want it in two weeks, I'll want something else by then!" She'd say.

"So...  That means you don't really want it at all, so you shouldn't buy it."

"But I do want it, I want it now!"

"No, you just want the excitement of buying it.  You want to convince yourself that you want it, but you don't, you just want to feed the shopping addiction.  If you wait, it will pass, until the next thing comes along, and that will pass too, until eventually something will come along that you genuinely do want, and you'll find you have the money to buy it without worrying about it."

And the reason I could explain that so well to her, is because I get exactly, totally, completely the same urge to spend money on stuff I don't really want or need, just because it's jumped out at me on ebay / TC / Facebook...

[topforcein]

My wife don't mind one bit tbh she don't moan about how much I spend either she don't say anything to my collection being on display in our bedroom.

I also manage to get her to come to my lhs everytime I go (practically every week)  mind she will sit in the car when I go in even though I can be in there for ages

And she still don't moan about that.

I guess I must be one of the lucky few on here.

[Nobbi1977]

I have just purchased another 1:1 motorbike. RC is the least of my wife's worries :-p

I never hide anything, not worth trying to remember what yesterday's truth was...

[Chumley54]

My wife indulges all my hobbies, but does not participate in them...just no interest.  She will smile and nod when I show her something, but no real interest other than the hobby makes me happy.  She will contribute money to my hobby fund.

I just bought a $170 metal brake and shear, and she was fine as long as I will actually use it (I wil!). 

 

 

 

[Dojo Dave]

The survey is a sure way to bring our conscience to the forefront of our minds. I have recently let it slip that I'm at upwards of 25 plus cars, her response was really 25! Wow, then proceeds to tell me she would like a car to drift with.... boom! Do I the. Give up one I have or buy her her own.... decisions decisions. ? Lol 

[Mad Ax]

On 5/7/2016 at 10:30 PM, Dojo Dave said:

The survey is a sure way to bring our conscience to the forefront of our minds. I have recently let it slip that I'm at upwards of 25 plus cars, her response was really 25! Wow, then proceeds to tell me she would like a car to drift with.... boom! Do I the. Give up one I have or buy her her own.... decisions decisions. ? Lol 

Surely, this is considered full authorisation to buy a new car..? 

[Percymon]

On 5/7/2016 at 10:30 PM, Dojo Dave said:

The survey is a sure way to bring our conscience to the forefront of our minds. I have recently let it slip that I'm at upwards of 25 plus cars, her response was really 25! Wow, then proceeds to tell me she would like a car to drift with.... boom! Do I the. Give up one I have or buy her her own.... decisions decisions. ? Lol 

In the interests of keeping the peace, and allowing you to buy what you want next  , its probably better to recycle one of the fleet into her name perhaps with a new body for her to choose the colour etc ?

[firefoxussr]

I never hide my spending from my wife.  She knows if I spend on me, I spend on her too.   She isn't interested in the mechanics but gets a kick out of decorating and modification.  She helped me with mold making recently.  I'm excited to make the vacuum table next... unfortunately I have a buck to clean up first (lots of sanding).

[Thirteen30]

Always great to have the significant other in on it if you can! My gf and I have some wheelie vans we play with once and a while. She built her own T1 Wheelie Kit and got me to do the masking and painting (cue PTSD). For the most part she understands my love for the hobby, and knows it's much cheaper than me and my 1:1 builds (1974 BMW 2002 is my current build). It's great, she wants to get motorcycles, she wants to get into TSD rally with me, and we occasionally battle each other in Pokemon games even though we are both in our mid to late 20's lol. The big thing now though is us saving up for a house so my Kyosho Optima rere will be the last big purchase for a while. The one thing that helps is that when I bring her into hobby shops, she see's the prices of new trucks and realizes that some of my used "scores" are great deals lol

[steelo]

Done! 

I answered that she ‘loves’ AND ‘hates’ my hobby…it depends on the day. LOL

[Shodog]

My advice is to don't say a word to the wife.  If they know how much their worth, they will try to take half when they hit 40 and divorce you. 

[Robert5000]

Luckily for me my girlfriend thinks my newfound interest for rc is quite charming on a sort of boys and their toys level. And a lot more manageable and less space consuming than my record collection. Not to mention that she's happily unaware of the fact that there are such a thing as originals and reissues in the rc world as well. 

And I totally agree with Nobbi1977, no reason to hide anything and it's futile to try to remember yesterdays truth. 

[Wez-li]

3 hours ago, Shodog said:

My advice is to don't say a word to the wife.  If they know how much their worth, they will try to take half when they hit 40 and divorce you. 

Ouch! 

My wife could easily find out how much i'm spending, she knows my PayPal password and uses my pp account anyway!

I know when something new has been delivered for me while I'm out, or at work because I get a PayPal notification of her buying something for herself