Hibernaculum

How has the hobby affected your relationships?

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Alright, this has probably been discussed before. Or maybe it hasn't. But either way - here are a few questions. Nobody needs to be more specific here than they want to be.

Broadly.

  1. Do you currently have a partner in life who accepts and supports your interest in this hobby?
  2. Has the hobby ever had a negative impact on a relationship?
  3. Has a relationship ever ended in part (or in whole) due to the hobby?
  4. Has a relationship been prevented by the hobby?
  5. Perhaps you feel the better life, is to be single?

etc etc.

The reason I ask, is that I feel I have experienced both ends of the spectrum - from full support to hatred - over the years. And it fascinates me to think that people - potential partners, girlfriends, wives - can be anything less than supportive of something as harmless (and homely) as this hobby. :huh: 

In one case, a girl I dated for about a year began (toward the latter stages) suggesting I sell my collection (of ~30yrs + the years of my father's die-cast collecting before me). At one point, when I was telling her a simple story one day about another collector I was trading with, she got huffy and said "Oh God, those people. Just get rid of them!".

She meant "get rid of them" from my life, and stop associating with other "hobby" guys. According to her, "hobby" people were essentially nerds who were wasting their lives on pursuits that were beneath respectable. She considered hobbies a bit weird. She was an artist... yet could see no irony in this. Even though I reminded her that many (many) artists were the definition of weird. (And yet I have no issue with artists)

Sometimes, she would recall a tale of a man her family knew when she was young, who was a "model train guy". He was some friend of her father's, from work. And oh, how her parents and family used to consider him strange and awkward. "My parents don't collect anything", she would say. "They don't like houses that are like museums, or full of collectibles. They're just practical people, and they only own what they need. It's just how we are."

One day, after hearing a few-too-many-times about how her parents were perfectly practical people in every way, I turned to her and asked,

"Are they also f***ing hunter-gatherers? Because they really should only kill what they're going to eat that day. Rather than store it in the fridge."

Which leads me to #3 B)

My answer to that one, is yes. :lol:

How about you?

H.

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Number 1. I am very lucky.

My fiancé knew what she was getting into with my various hobbies and obsessions as we were friends/coworkers for years prior to dating. I think RC cars are a bit of a welcome break from combat robots for her. Less expensive, a lot lighter and way less likely not maim, injure or kill. Another good point is she never has to buy tools as mine came with me. 

I think everyone has something they enjoy and you've got to realise that, even if it's not understandable or relatable.  She loves video games, Lego, baking and painting. Not all my cup of tea, as  robotics, RC cars and engineering aren't hers. but we muddle along enjoying everything together. 

She has her designated car, and a paint job in her colours which comes on walks and it's always a good time (untill we crash anyway!) 

I know I'm a nightmare to live with with some of the clutter and mess and constant distraction. But she put up with it in a tiny studio flat in Brighton city centre and is okay with it taking up a corner of our current 2bed flat. When we do buy a house it's accepted I will need a garage or a shed to tinker away in. 

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I'm of the view,  that your hobby / interests kind of denotes part of who you are, so if they don't like your hobby, then there's a part of you they don't like, if they accept that and let it be, then fair enough, they may enjoy knitting or Eastenders, and you have to accept that, if it's an issue, then bye bye, it's not meant to be. 🤷‍♂️

I've split with someone as she said about my motocross bike, you love that horrible, oily , noisy thing more than me! (Crossed the line calling it, horrible..🙄😂

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My partner accepts my hobby, and has on occasion commented on the quality of my work.

Simultaneously, it has been understood that at this point in our lives, it is interfering somewhat with our future. It is not that I am somehow less of a candidate because I enjoy this hobby, but the expenses do tend to pile up with new parts, models, finishing supplies, and so on. Once we have enough to establish ourselves, I can return full-time - though the irony is that there will not be much time by then...

The most trying time was when I bought that Bruiser - my partner did not really understand how I could spend that much money on a model, but admitted later that it made sense once the chassis was together. On the opposite end, when I put our names on my Lancia 037 4WD-H project and painted the cockpit figures after ourselves (with full-face helmets, it was really down to eye colour and some minor nose bridge sculpting), I earned some goodwill that day :)

These days, the hobby has been put on hold. I have enough supplies to finish three in-progress builds and polish off a fourth, but my other hobby in road bicycles is the more prominent pastime. As a bicycle mechanic, I call it professional development :P, though more seriously, it is a hobby the two of us have really gotten into, so it is the one I can keep on with.

I figure that the pastime of radio-controlled models is only a factor in anybody's relationship around here because we are that passionate about what we build and run. From my experience, model train hobbyists are much the same way (if not more so, to allude to the original post); it is a bit difficult to be a 'casual' model train enthusiast.

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Luckily my good lady who pre dates my re take up in RC is of a mind what ever makes you happy and apart from an occasional roll of the eyes at the amount of space I am taking up on the dining table has never uttered a -ve word. 

She was good enough to help me with the display cases as they were my Christmas pressie. 

We are both trikes so not considered main stream either.

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I had to ease my wife into it. The guy before me was a real piece of work, and (among other charming things) dumped her so he could spend more time on his fighting robots. So once I heard that, I kept this particular hobby quiet for a while, and focused on the guitar, which had the desired effect (is there any reason a guy learns to play guitar except to get girls?).

I let it be known that I had an interest in model cars, of course; I didn't want it to be a secret. And for our second Christmas together, I finally came up with a strategy: I bought us his-and-hers Lunchbox kits, and we spent a weekend building them together. Then I dug out an old original Midnight Pumpkin body for hers, and she was sold. She loves the old "roundy fendered trucks." It still wears that body, though it now sits with my other cars; she says she enjoyed the build more than the running, and that she could at least understand the appeal, even though it's not her "thing."

Since then, I have let my gearhead flag fly unimpeded, and it's no big deal now. She has her hobbies, and I'm supportive but largely uninterested, and we have plenty of things we do together, so the cars, both big and little, are my thing, and I try not to let them encroach too much on other stuff. And I always ask before I buy a new kit; I never want to sneak a big bix into the house like I know some here do. That's just not me.

Before her, reactions ranged from quiet disdain to patronizing acceptance. Never open hostility, but a lot of "yeah, he plays with toy cars, but aside from that..."

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24 minutes ago, markbt73 said:

I had to ease my wife into it. The guy before me was a real piece of work, and (among other charming things) dumped her so he could spend more time on his fighting robots. 

And that's why I kinda stopped when I started dating my fiancé. I didn't want to be that guy! That is a hobby can really drain you and take over.

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5 hours ago, Hibernaculum said:

 

  1. Do you currently have a partner in life who accepts and supports your interest in this hobby?

Would it be fair to your loved one/s to try conceal the real/truthful you? :ph34r: 

We are all aware RC addiction is like herpes simplex... THERE IS NO KNOWN CURE other than death. Once infected it'll always be in your blood; you may try suppress it via various artificial means and it may work temporarily, but one day you know it's just gunna come roaring back with maximum vengeance.

Don't fight it, don't hide it. 

If he/she ain't "the one", move on.

You deserve someone who accepts you as you fully, not just some bits.

Get all that out into the open before signing your life away. :unsure:

 

Our ringBEARers rode Mountaineers down the aisle:-

WnJ_Melb_MMII_023.jpg

 

Shortly after the Big Day, I even signed her up for TCS racing. :o

haha ok, that was a mistake :lol: she's not that crazy into RC

 

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My Lovely Missus totally supports and gets involved in the RC thing and takes an interest in resto's etc - then wanders off to watch Eastenders . On a serious note , she is well cool with the RC thing to the point that I converted the garage into a man cave / hobby room where my RC's live along with my BTCC memorabilia , she also came with me to the last years Brands Hatch final round meeting and watches some of the races on TV with me , can't ask for more = life is good

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I think my Mrs accepts that I have RC's and I will tinker with them from time to time. I earn my money and spend what little I can afford to at times on them. If I had my way I'd have loads of different collections. Lol. Basically.... she doesn't disapprove of the hobby and leaves me to it.

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Well, when my now wife came to my house the first time.. she was .. shocked :)

( ok, i kind of lived in a rc toy store with a bed in it )  lets face it.. it was.. to much.

But.. before that , well.. kind of already realized i got a bit overboard with hoarding tasty seksy rc models .. mostly..  Tamiya's :) 

 

So when it started to get real, i stored and sold a lot..  mostly as some other non related issue's popped up.. and i had to basically .. hibernate any form of hobby

and focus on keeping a roof above our head and keeping food on the table. 

Got to make choices somewhere .

 

But , now .. returning.. and no, wife don't care .. "silly toys" ..   so be it , can't say i have to much intrest in her hobby ( watching tv shows ) .. so .. fair enough :)

But yeah, she already is very aware im into toys anyway, she just accepts it.. - not to much choice ;p ;p -   

She knows im a big kid.. ( motorbikes.. rc toys .. gaming ) .. But then again, and yes.. i do use that..  " you prefer me getting smashed in a bar then? " :) :)

 

Before her.. well.. let me put it this way, i lived a free man's life for a very long time, and never really cared.. or .. well.. even asked about what the opinion was

on my hobby's / habits .   In truth ...    Before it even got to that i was moving over to different fields to graze .   ( now, did i say that polite or not ?? )

 

Wait.. now i think of it, actually one time my wife tried to get me to sell the motorbikes , as it was dangerous or something , and the way she put it , it was like

"its the bikes or me".

Well,  all i really did was send her a photo ( think it was even this one ) 

yu.jpg.b17536d313dc1e23ff8418d7b24762b2.jpg

The topic.. never came up again

 

 

 

 

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Both my wife and I were into our respective hobbies before we met, and we still enjoy them to this day.

We have a system whereby we split any spare hobby budget that we have down the middle, so there is never any complaint about me spending money on my hobby or her spending money on hers as we both have access to exactly the same amount of "fun money" at any given time.

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I make an effort to ensure that my hobby doesn’t get in the way of ‘real life’ and I think that goes a long way.

My wife works 2 weeks on/2 weeks off  shifts that mean I can be solo parenting at weekends and into the evenings. Once the kid is in bed I might get an hour or so to myself so I’ll try and get some ‘Tamiya time’ in then.

Mrs ‘Crumble appreciates that this is something I can do with my son too and that gets a big thumbs up. Also, she grew up with a Dad who spent his evenings in the garage making stuff ranging from scale steam engines to TV programmes (which are still shown!).

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I'm not in a long term relationship at the moment and I haven't had a serious girlfriend since getting into RC a few years back (perhaps there's a link there, ha ha ha), but I've always had some kind of mostly solitary and nerdy hobby.  I've never lost a girlfriend over it or been confronted about it because they know from the outset that they'd have more success whittling away at Mount Everest with a teaspoon.  If I'm doing something detrimental then I'll listen to reason.  I'd never quit something I enjoy just because someone else doesn't understand it.  Of course, that's probably a lot easier to say when you aren't married.

I was asked by a family member the other day 'Why do you want all these cars?' and my reply was simply 'Just to have them' and give a shrug.  I think there's an expectation on a lot of guys to only do things that are practical or make money.  Watching sport seems to be the only option.  I don't care too much if my gravestone doesn't say "RIP Blista. He was socially acceptable".

I think it was when my M06 kit arrived my 8 year old niece was visiting and she told me 'You're car crazy' in that perfectly honest but nonjudgmental way only small children can be, which made me laugh.  Hopefully many, many years from now when she's got a boyfriend she will be accepting of any odd hobbies he has because she's seen that its ok for guys to do so.

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My Mrs has put up with my main hobby, sports memorabilia, for as long as we have been together.  Sometimes she accompanies me to expos but not as often since our daughter arrived.  She doesn’t mind because I never spend money that I don’t have.  She is not yet aware that I am about to start a restoration on my Striker that I have owned for close to 30 years and has been parked for over 20.  I am sure she will not have an issue since I will not let it interfere with family time or professional life.

interestingly I still catch crap (in my 40s) from my father about my hobbies as he always makes comments about how much they cost.  As my income level is my business I just shrug it off rather than throwing a bank statement at him so he can see that I can more than afford the what I do for fun.

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Like TurnipJF, my wife and I have our respective hobbies and we support each other in them.  She loves to make quilts; on some of my overseas business trips she's tasked me with stopping in fabric stores and getting specific patterns for her.  I'm happy to oblige because I know it makes her happy to have some 'exotic' fabric from southeast Asia or Europe that none of her quilting friends have.  Similarly, if I voice some interest in a specific kit she's always encouraged me to pick one up.  She's bought me a few kits for Christmas over the years, usually some of the nicer ones I couldn't justify buying myself.

We both agree that real life takes priority (ala parenting, bills, taxes, work, etc.), but if all the bases are covered then there's no problem enjoying our respective hobbies.  One of our children is out of the house now, and the other one has one more year of school to go, so hopefully the hobbies will help make the transition to an empty nest a little easier.

We're approaching 25 years of marriage later this year; I can't imagine any facet of life without her.

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As long as you don’t spend too much and they don’t take over the house you should be ok......but let’s face most of us have probably spent more than we should have at least once or twice along the journey and have too many of them in the house at some stage.....and like any long term relationship /marriage it’s has its ups and downs along the way......still married after 26 years and she sometimes hates the cars and other times simply doesn’t care....she has her hobbies and I never comment on what she spends on them which I know is considerably less than I do......I do get asked why do I need them and why don’t I build more of them from time to time........men at from mars and women are from Venus (book) .....springs to mind and I have never read it.

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12 hours ago, Badcrumble said:

TV programmes (which are still shown!).

Which TV shows are they ?

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Thanks for all the replies. My impression is that, statistically, most of you have pretty supportive partners.

Either that, or the results are skewed because the guys with unsupportive partners, aren’t here and therefore aren’t able to reply right now ☺️

Hypothetically... If you had a partner who was totally unsupportive, what would you do? Would you quit the hobby if your partner wanted you to? 

Or to frame the question more broadly: Are our interests in life, more or less important than the people in our life?

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I put it different ,  if the partner wants you to quit with your intrest / hobby ..

I would say, that is not the correct partner for me.

 

 

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1 hour ago, Hibernaculum said:

Hypothetically... If you had a partner who was totally unsupportive, what would you do? Would you quit the hobby if your partner wanted you to? 

Or to frame the question more broadly: Are our interests in life, more or less important than the people in our life?

Truth be told :P I’m actually more curious about the opposite scenario...

WHAT IF your better half is MORE into RC that you are?! :o

Would that fuel or starve the fire? What if he/she is a better builder or faster racer than you... hmmm...?!

 

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17 hours ago, Stefan(2) said:

Well, when my now wife came to my house the first time.. she was .. shocked :)

I remember my now wife finding out that the bedside tables where not infact bedside tables, when she placed her coffee cup on the edge of the "table" , which fell over, revealing they where actually stacked alloy wheels, with a bread board placed on top, covered in a sheet.....🙄😂😂

 

1 hour ago, Hibernaculum said:

Hypothetically... If you had a partner who was totally unsupportive, what would you do? Would you quit the hobby if your partner wanted you to

I don't believe the relationship would progress too far, if a partner was unsupportive. Both should support a partner in what they enjoy doing, just my view. 

It should only really be questioned if it becomes overwhelming , spending the entire family's monthly budget on RC stuff, then not being able to pay the mortgage or put food on the table. 

The only, discussions, we've had, is where that spending line is.

So when we moved house, I ditched the cable tv and went to council telly, as it was me that watched the other channels, she only watched the soaps, so we saved £50 a month, i don't get to watch my programmes anymore, but have a £50 monthly float. 

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1 hour ago, WillyChang said:

Truth be told :P I’m actually more curious about the opposite scenario...

WHAT IF your better half is MORE into RC that you are?! :o

Would that fuel or starve the fire? What if he/she is a better builder or faster racer than you... hmmm...?!

 

 

In truth, would love it..

Im the only -person- into rc into a very large radius..  kind of .. always -play- alone ..

Would love to bash with a few.

( there is a club a good drive away, however they "don't want me" so.. yeah.. )   ( having the wrong brand of car and tx sets or some bla bla bla )

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6 hours ago, KEV THE REV said:

Which TV shows are they ?

This is one of his

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b007cv1x

Last shown in 2008 according to iPlayer so perhaps not as current as they used to be! The last 10 years have passed too quickly! I think the editing machine it was made on is now in a museum. The steam train he helped restore is in the Ulster Folk and Transport Museum. 

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